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I truly cannot believe that Sloane is about to be ONE. Where did the time go?! I look back at pictures and don’t even remember that little baby. I don’t think you truly realize how fast time flies until you are raising a child. They change so quickly and don’t stay in any stage for too long. Last year at this time, we were finally getting settled into our new home, washing clothes, unpacking all of the boxes. I was so excited to just relax for the last few weeks. And out of no where she decided to come six weeks early! I don’t think I will ever get over that. And the fact that she was born on Kurt’s birthday- that’s even crazier!
I will save all the reminiscing for next week’s post on her actual birthday, but today I really wanted to touch on my first year of motherhood. I’m going to preface this first, but this is my own experience. One that we really knew we wanted and waited many, many years to experience. When you aren’t sure if having children is in the realm of possibilities, I think you will have a difference perspective. Everyone has different challenges when it comes to conceiving, having and raising babies. What one might find hard, the other had it easier.
With that being said, my first year of motherhood was a lot easier than I had anticipated. It was beautiful, complex, life altering and most of the time not so glamourous. I think a lot of people on social media like to make motherhood out to be so hard, so tiring, that you lose yourself in it. And maybe in a way, it was good to have gone into it thinking it was going to be really hard. But it was so much easier than I expected. I will preface that by saying we also had a really great baby! She slept well, ate and was content. I don’t remember many nights that didn’t go as planned. She was one of those babies that we all hope for!
Of course my life changed, but I also think we were so grateful to have that experience that the sleepless nights weren’t as tough on us. I think in the end, you figure it out. You come up with a new routine. And just when you get the hang of that new routine, it changes again haha.
I also think what has made things a little easier on me is I have a very hands on partner. He wanted to be right there with me in the thick of it all. And it was so helpful to have him there. I think it is sort of a given that the mother does take on more. Our bodies go thru so much with being pregnant and then breastfeeding (even if you decide not to, you still have to deal with your milk drying up). But Kurt has always known when I needed a break.
I also really believe in timing. I can look back now and realize that our journey to have Sloane was not easy, but that is just because it wasn’t the right time. We had to go through the hardships to realize how lucky we are. We always wondered how we would be able to have a child in Chicago and looking back there was no way we could have. Or we could have and it would have made things a lot more stressful. The timing of it all makes a lot sense.
We were finally able to move back to Michigan and buy our first home. That helped me make my first year of motherhood a little easier. Although, at times I did miss our tiny little apartment where everything is in reaching distance. Running up and down the stairs multiple times a day will get you. When my mom first came to stay with us after Sloane was born she lost five pounds after her trip from all the stair climbing. Enough said haha!
We both are able to work from home. Kurt is fully present, as am I, every day with Sloane. We both get to see her first thing in the morning when she wakes up. And also when she goes to bed. We aren’t stuck in traffic commuting to and from work. We were lucky enough to be able to hire a nanny for the first few months of her life so that she could still be close to us. And we could say hi on our breaks.
I do think there is this not so glamourous thing about motherhood. It’s not all about cute pictures and cute outfits. Now I know how hard those are to take and the effort it took to get ready for those pictures haha. There are a lot of funny times. And times I don’t want her to go sleep because I just want to hang out with her. The exhaustion is real. Most days by the end of the day, I’m so tired lol. But then you find this inner strength to pick them up one last time before bedtime. And you just keep going.
It took me a while to feel confident in being called mom. It was really weird for me for awhile. I felt like it could be taken away from me at any moment. But I think that is what going thru IVF will do to you. You are always waiting for bad news and something unexpected to happen. I always thought that once we had our baby everything that we went thru would go away. I still think about our struggles all the time. When I look back at pictures, I think I could just tell myself it will all be ok someday. There is not a night that goes by that I don’t thank God for blessing us with Sloane. She is perfect!
It’s a little sad to look back on my first year of motherhood and realize I won’t ever get that time back. I hardly remember her being that five pound baby that she was when she first came home from the hospital. Good thing I take a million photos! I will always cherish them. I get equally excited to see what the future holds for our little Sloane. What will her personality be like? How much hair will she actually have? When will she walk? What will her first word be outside of mama and dada? What will she like to do? Will she be a social butterfly or more shy? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I’m excited to find out!
xoxox Amanda
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